**”I was asked, ‘What is the secret to a happy marriage?’ I took that to mean ‘happy’ as in satisfied and successful in your role—no matter the relationship (married, engaged, dating, co-parenting, best friends, siblings, and more).
My answer: Put more effort into who and how you are supposed to be in the relationship and decide what happy looks like and feels like to you. Work on who and how you are, and decide if you are being successful in your role.
If it were a job and you didn’t quite know what your role was or how to do it, you would get some training, get a mentor, put on your detective hat, and investigate ideas to be successful. Your relationships should not be any different.
Make it as good as you want it to be through your role in the relationship. Mutual respect, communication, kindness, integrity, honesty, trust, and compassion can be a plus too. Those all fall into the category of ‘who and how you are’ in your role.
Without knowing what the goal of the relationship is or where it is headed, it is hard to map out a good path. Where are you going (apparently to a ‘happy marriage’), and how will you get there if you don’t know what exactly that is? You need to start with what you want and then your role in it.”**
Redefining Happiness in Relationships
When we talk about a happy marriage (or any meaningful relationship), we tend to focus on external factors—grand gestures, milestones, or whether our partner “completes” us. But the reality? A fulfilling relationship starts from within.
✔ It’s not just about what you receive—it’s about who you are in the relationship.
✔ It’s not just about being with the right person—it’s about being the right person.
✔ It’s not about waiting for happiness—it’s about creating it.
Your Role in Any Relationship
If relationships were a career, would you be succeeding in your role?
If you were hired for a job you didn’t fully understand, what would you do? You’d seek guidance, training, and mentorship. Relationships deserve the same level of effort and intentionality.
Ask yourself:
💡 What does success look like in my relationship?
💡 What role am I playing, and am I doing it well?
💡 What skills or qualities can I improve to make this relationship stronger?
How to Strengthen Your Relationship Role
🔹 Define What Happiness Looks Like for YOU. Before you can build a happy relationship, you need clarity on what happiness actually means in that context.
🔹 Take Responsibility for Your Growth. You can’t control others, but you can control how you show up. Be intentional in how you communicate, listen, and contribute.
🔹 Work Toward a Shared Goal. A relationship without a direction is like a ship without a compass. Know where you’re going, what you want to build together, and the effort required to get there.
The Key Ingredients: Who You Are & How You Show Up
A strong relationship is built on qualities that foster trust, connection, and growth.
✔ Mutual respect – Valuing each other’s thoughts, space, and emotions.
✔ Communication – Expressing needs clearly and listening actively.
✔ Kindness – Small daily acts that show love and appreciation.
✔ Integrity – Being consistent and reliable in words and actions.
✔ Honesty – Speaking the truth in love, even when it’s uncomfortable.
✔ Trust – Building a foundation of security and reliability.
✔ Compassion – Holding space for each other’s struggles and emotions.
These are not just things we demand from others. They are things we practice ourselves to cultivate a healthy, fulfilling relationship.
Final Thought: Own Your Role, Create Your Happiness
The secret to a happy relationship isn’t found in waiting for someone else to meet your needs—it’s in actively participating in the creation of something meaningful.
If you don’t know what happiness looks like for you, how will you recognize it when you get there?
Start with what you want, your role in it, and how you can show up better today. That’s the real secret to a happy and fulfilling relationship.
For deeper relationship guidance and emotional growth, visit Graymatter Clinic or explore NeuroFLO Retreats atSoulSupportRetreats.com.
© 2024 Rose Monk. All rights reserved.